ESTIMATED DAY OF DEPARTURE: FRIDAY

My grandma Vera died last summer. If she was still here with us, she would have been 100 years old today. I miss you, Grandma and will love you forever.

I am excited about returning home to the pistol, JT and Bob but the idea of leaving here on Friday also fills me with unbelievable sadness. Parents everywhere know from experience just how fast babies change in the early weeks and I know that I am going to miss something really big. I just know it. But I also know that these milestones are not for me but for Mike and Jen to witness. I've had my first smiles, first coos, and babies' first sleeping over five hours straight with my own three babies. But this is my grandson. I can already feel the sense of loss that I anticipate feeling next week. Is this the case for every new grandparent? I want to be able to come here at night and walk with him cradled in my arms; through the living room, down the hall, past the kitchen and over and over and over again. What was once a tedious and sometimes frustrating part of having a new baby is now the very kind of thing that fills me with brand new sense of thankfulness. I bought a new nightgown yesterday and I call it the "grandma nightgown" because it is lacy, pink, floral and covers my entire body from head to foot. (That would be a blessing.) I only had it on for less than an hour last night when Sam spit up a fairly decent amount down the front of it. Whatever. I'm sleeping alone these days. Far more important was the fact that in between the cries (screams) Sam would sometimes look at me and I swear he looked grateful for the role I was playing in his struggle to find sleep. I think that is the beauty of being a grandma...you appreciate all these moments in time because they are what bond us as a family and teach us how to love.

I hope for some happy diversions in Canada. I am looking forward to the reports from JT about his BCIT classes and my house and garden will be ready for my personal touch. Jordan says that when I return home after a long period of time, I wander throughout the house, sniffing the rooms for any clues that things are not as I would have them be. Finally I know for sure that Bob will be so happy and relieved to see me he won't fuss at all when I swaddle him (in the receiving blanket I plan to steal from Sam's room) and then rock him and sing to him all the time trying my best to get a good burp before I lay him down to sleep.