Embracing my role as a Grandma...

This time next week my grandson will be two months old. This translates into "My life has changed more than I anticipated, all for the good."

I have realized that becoming a grandparent has had much more of a personal impact than I originally expected. Several things have changed, all of them are important. Inside my head and my heart.

The biggest change that has come from Sam's birth is the immediate knowledge that he joins the ranks of my own children. Prior to his birth I would have thought that even a grandchild would not invoke the same emotions or protective love that I have always felt for Jennifer, Tara and Jordan. Not true. Not one day has gone by that I have not awoke to think of him in the next ten minutes. "How did he sleep last night? Is he now awake? Is Jennifer drinking enough water? Is the carseat really safe? Will he do something new today and I will not be there to witness it?" I know, I know, stop! already. "Mind your own business, you bossy old fool."

I also find that I see my daughter in a brand new, brightly shining light. She is no longer the teenager who slams her bedroom door in my face, but one who has overnight become a fellow member of the secret "motherhood." So many times over the past 27 years I have heard myself say "When you have your own children, you will understand why...." and of course this has come to be with Sam's first breath of air. Onlookers say that they always knew that Jennifer and I would eventually return to become one of each other's favourite fan, friend and family member. We are not perfect but we can now allow memories of past friction between us to go to bed where it belongs. I feel that if I didn't address our newfound reconnection it would be negligent and disrespectful to how far we both have come. Today some dear friends are going through tough times with their teenagers and Jennifer and I are living proof that when you desperately care for someone there can always be hope that love will prevail in the end. That truly is the real beauty of family and the unconditional love that comes with it.

I am crocheting another baby blanket and I am thinking about quilting something. I want to learn to bake cookies without burning them for the first time in history. I have been familiarizing myself with new toys on the market, current children's TV programs, musicians and writers. I want a rocking chair. The fact that I am getting a new hip in December allows me to fantasize about playing long and hard with my grandchildren without having to go to bed afterwards.

This morning I caught myself day dreaming of the Christmas coming and thoughts of being together with my son, my daughters, my new sons, my man and my precious little "Sam I Am." I am crossing my fingers because this is a lovely vision and something I am praying for. Hard. Every day.